(underlying image courtesy Haunted Ventures)
Ever since the Droid landed at Verizon, everyone has wondered when AT&T would embrace the cuddly green robot phones. When it was announced that the Motorola Backflip, a rather unusual cousin to the Cliq, would be the first Android phone to hit the Deathstar AT&T, it sounded intriguing. It certainly would catch people’s eyes with it’s funky keyboard placement; no one is mistaking it for an iPhone wannabe! But there’s something different about the Backflip beyond the keyboard…it won’t be using Google for search.
Nope. AT&T took a long, hard look at Android, at the obvious Google connections, and opted to use the logical choice in search providers: Yahoo! Well, it makes sense if you are AT&T and use insane troll logic!
What could AT&T have been thinking? I polled some of the flies on the wall that were present during the brainstorming session with Darth Vader AT&T executives, and here’s the scoop.
Exec 1: We have to keep Apple happy at all costs! We cannot lose the iPhone! Quick, grab the weirdest Android phone you can find, and cripple it horribly! That will force suckers users tied to our service to buy iPhones instead!
Exec 2: Hm. Well, there’s this bizarre Motorola design they’ve been peddling around…
Exec 1: I love it. Now cram it so full of AT&T software no one can stand to use it for more than a few seconds. That will make the iPhone look great!
Exec 2: I’m on it. How about we throw the primary navigation pad onto the back of the device, to make it extra awkward to hold?
Exec 1: Perfect! Maybe we can rip out default Android apps and replace them with our own AT&T apps instead! Or is that too cruel even for us?
Exec 2: Oh…that’s super sadistic. I love it. Anyone who wants to listen to music on their phone will HAVE to buy an iPhone now if they want a decent experience!
Exec 1: Excellent…I still feel like this phone is too appealing. How can we really destroy it right out of the gate?
Exec 3: Gentlemen, you have some good ideas, but you are mere amateurs. We have to curry deep favor with Apple, not just prove we can be nuisances. Who is Apple’s most hated competitor right now? Google. Who has created Android? Google. Why do people love Android phones? Google. So here’s what we do: We replace all the search functions on the phone with Yahoo!
Execs 1&2: <Screams of horror and joy>
Exec 1: It’s almost too diabolical even for us…I love it! Let me call Apple and let them know…Dammit, my iPhone keeps dropping the call. Can anyone get a signal in here?!?
Exec 3: Here, borrow my Droid.
Exec 1: Thanks! Wait a second…
(Yahoo! news via Engadget)
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