Apparently I’m being sued. So are my lawyers. And several of my college friends, roommates, acquaintances, and even complete strangers. Why are we all being sued, you ask? A Nebraska woman who claims she is personally representing God and Jesus has asked the court to rule on whether or not homosexuality is a sin, so all homosexuals are apparently defendants.
I really wish this was a joke, and a part of me hopes this is indeed a prank gone horribly, virally awry. The alternative is that someone with a serious obsession with gays and lesbians and a lot of time on their hands has personally hand-written a complaint to the US District Court of Nebraska, asking them to settle a religious issue. It’s unclear what she wants to happen if she wins, or if she plans to subpoena all gays or just select ones. Perhaps we can hold a meeting and send a set of representatives, because frankly I think I speak for many self-identified gays and lesbians in not having any particular desire to visit Nebraska. Also, can I claim an exemption for being Jewish, and therefore not bound to follow Jesus?
Of course, when you get past the jokes, what you have is someone with a severe mental illness getting a lot of attention for being a homophobe (and for grossly misunderstanding how the separation of Church and State works). My hope is that the court threw this case out, and then immediately arranged for social services to get this poor woman some serious counseling. Anyone who writes a seven page handwritten court complaint claiming to represent God probably needs help from qualified mental health professionals, not judges and lawyers. And maybe a typewriter at the very least, if not a netbook, because if she doesn’t have carpal tunnel from all that cursive she’s got some freakishly strong hands.
Finally, this is a good excuse to share this excellent graphic, which pretty much sums up how convoluted it can get when you slavishly devote yourself to one part of Leviticus and ignore the others. Just in case this woman is working her way through the laws, however, someone should probably warn tattoo parlors and bacon manufacturers that they’re about to get sued in Nebraska too!