Everyone has a list of bands or artists they find over-rated or annoying … but there are also a few that transcend that to be truly HATED. There are a number of reasons – pulling away someone from another group, too much media attention, getting awards or album sales by ripping off others, and countless others. Spin magazine compiled a list of hated bands, and you can head here to check it all out. But you might not want to … because they have spread it out with only TWO bands per page! That’s right – they spread 30 bands across 15 pages, with no ability to jump to certain sections or pages … only a ‘continue to next page’! Therefore the ‘punching bag’ moniker they use could apply to THEM! Here is the full list of 30 bands from bottom to top, with the initial charge also listed. For more details such as the ‘case files’ (details of the charges) and a ‘defense’ (why they are innocent), you need to read the full article.
- 30 THE MONKEES – CHARGE AGAINST: Talentless central-casting featherweights conceived in a boardroom for a cut-rate sitcom version of A Hard Day’s Night.
- 29 PHIL COLLINS – CHARGE AGAINST: The embodiment of ersatz, a man who unerringly — and ad nauseam — knew how to tie an annoyingly catchy melody to a cliché-ridden lyric. And what the is a Sussudio?
- 28 NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK – CHARGE AGAINST: Laboratory-assembled, faux-R&B pin-ups co-opting the cutest parts of B-boy culture, opening the door for everyone from Color Me Badd to 98 Degrees.
- 27 JOHN MAYER – CHARGE AGAINST: Huge d-bag.
- 26 CANDLEBOX – CHARGE AGAINST: Trend-hopping Johnny-come-latelies; the first of the second-wave grungies to stretch the definition of “alternative”
- 25 LANA DEL REY – CHARGE AGAINST: Vapid, prefabricated glamourpuss pretends to be indie rock, reimagines Nancy Sinatra as a preening, Lynchian style zombie.
- 24 THE BLACK EYED PEAS – CHARGE AGAINST: The dumbest pop act in America.
- 23 SMASH MOUTH – CHARGE AGAINST: Kindergarten frat party.
- 22 CHRISTOPHER CROSS – CHARGE AGAINST: The Marianas Trench of yacht rock, a beacon of flaccid sentimentality borne by a gentle cushion of hackneyed studio fluff sinking what was left of the ’70s singer-songwriter model into the quicksand of 1980s radio schlock.
- 21 DURAN DURAN – CHARGE AGAINST: British neo-colonialist fops whose clunky dance pop kept funk off ’80s radio.
- 20 THE OSMONDS – CHARGE AGAINST: Impossibly wholesome Mormon choirboys out to reassure square America that entertainment could be as trivial as ever.
- 19 LAWRENCE WELK – CHARGE AGAINST: Fighting against change in the 1960s, stiffly genial representative of the far end of the generation gap existed only to give great-grandparents a reason to live.
- 18 KC AND THE SUNSHINE BAND – CHARGE AGAINST: Disco group that embodied every monotonous, escapist, indulgent thing that haters hated about the genre; still too flimsy and superficial to satisfy the core constituency.
- 17 BARRY MANILOW – CHARGE AGAINST: The unbearable catchiness of the TV commercial jingle with the show-tune banality of a Las Vegas revue .
- 16 WINGER – CHARGE AGAINST: Prettiest of the pretty-boy hair-metal softies
- 15 PUFF DADDY – CHARGE AGAINST: Shiny-suited huckster milking the unquenchable greed of the Jiggy era.
- 14 BILLY RAY CYRUS – CHARGE AGAINST: Singing mullethead who ratifies Garth Brooks’ deliverance of Nashville to pop’s promised land.
- 13 JOURNEY – CHARGE AGAINST: The nadir of studio-buffed, soulless, corporate AOR.
- 12 MICHAEL BOLTON – CHARGE AGAINST: Perma-frizzed goon constantly melting down Motown and Stax 45s for lukewarm easy-listening spa treatments.
- 11 NICKELBACK – CHARGE AGAINST: Jock-rock oafs.
- 10 YOKO ONO – CHARGE AGAINST: A screeching, incomprehensible boho who broke up the Beatles.
- 9 PAT BOONE – CHARGE AGAINST: : Wholesome as a glass of milk, smooth as a laxative, happily shouldered the white man’s burden of ruining the songs of black artists for “mainstream” audience acceptance.
- 8 MATCHBOX TWENTY – CHARGE AGAINST: Floridian FM wangos feasting off ’90s grunge leftovers, ushering in a deeper morass of toothless, modern “adult alternative.”
- 7 EMERSON, LAKE & PALMER – CHARGE AGAINST: Hollow virtuosos who took prog rock to its ill, logical extreme.
- 6 VANILLA ICE – CHARGE AGAINST: Shiny-suited white interloper hell-bent on watering down and commercializing the greatest African-American invention since peanut butter.
- 5 INSANE CLOWN POSSE – CHARGE AGAINST: A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down society’s pants
- 4 CREED – CHARGE AGAINST: Watered-down grunge as a platform for messianic egomania; Nickelback before there was a Nickelback
- 3 KENNY G – CHARGE AGAINST: Making elevators seem safe since 1982.
- 2 LIMP BIZKIT – CHARGE AGAINST: Soul-patch minstrel show, a hissing valve for pointless Cro-Magnon boy-rage, the ‘roided-out Altamont stabbing of the ’90s alterna-dream.
- 1 MILLI VANILLI – CHARGE AGAINST: Didn’t even sing their songs.
Obviously I have a specific horse in the race, so what sort of ‘defense’ can Spin offer up for why Kenny G should NOT be on the list?
THE DEFENSE: Sorry, the only plea here is nolo contendere. Nobody who makes such worthless, repugnant, soft-serve music should be so monumentally arrogant. The guy’s not even in Sting’s league, but how’s this for tone-deaf twattiness? “I’ve always thought it would be fun to do classical music, but I wouldn’t want to do a famous classical piece. I’d want to write a piece of music that sounds like a classical song, but is my own composition.” A Foster the People co-sign ain’t helping.
Well … now THAT I can agree with! If you want all of the details, head to Spin and check it out!