Grilled Cheesus and the Ecumenical Guide to Grilled Cheese

Gear Diary is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Learn More.

Grilled Cheesus and the Ecumenical Guide to Grilled Cheese Listen to this article

Screenshot 2013 10 18 07 40 40

Judie and I recently got pitched to cover the Grilled Cheesus. Yes, it is exactly what is sounds like — a grilled cheese gadget that makes “grilled cheese sandwiches easier and tastier — and more divine”. It is a real product that costs $39.95. We got to thinking, what would other faith-based grilled cheesers look like? Let’s take a look.

GC4-S102-open-with-plates_1024x1024

But first, a bit more about the Grilled Cheesus. Their press release says it is “the perfect kitchen appliance for families of faith, the Grilled Cheesus toasts the face of Jesus onto sandwich bread. It’s a great way to inspire your family at the dining room table, children in the lunchroom, or the congregation at your church coffee hour. However you slice it, the Grilled Cheesus lets you bring little grilled miracles to mealtime, snack time or anytime.”

GC2-Sandwich_1024x1024

If toasted Jesus isn’t your thing, you could try …

 

Screenshot 2013 10 18 07 47 15

The Polytheist Grilled Cheese maker produces a dozen small grilled cheese sandwiches at once. “After all”, says the developer of this gadget, “there are almost as many gods as there are types of cheese. We don’t believe in selecting just one!”

Screenshot 2013 10 18 08 14 51

Then there is the Jewish Grilled Cheese maker. This device presents you with a plate of crumbs and residual oil. “Here’s the thing,” says its inventor, “In the Torah God tells Moses he cannot see his face, but [he] will be able to see his shadow and all that remains after God has passed. That’s what this grilled cheese maker does. In addition, with Thanksgiving and Hanukkah falling at the same time this year, a plate of oil drippings makes sense. Judaism is, after all, as much about our historical experience as it is divinity.”

Screenshot 2013 10 18 08 10 34

It is worth noting that there is no Grilled Cheese Machine for Atheists. “We entirely reject,” says our source, “the notion of grilled cheese. It might seem like a good thing for parents to give their kids because they need to feed them SOMETHING, but at some point everyone needs to come to terms with the fact that grilled cheese contains little more than empty calories and false nutritional promises. We can do better than that for ourselves and our children!”

Hungry now?

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Thanks for your support!


About the Author

Dan Cohen
Having a father who was heavily involved in early laser and fiber-optical research, Dan grew up surrounded by technology and gadgets. Dan’s father brought home one of the very first video games when he was young and Dan remembers seeing a “pre-release” touchtone phone. (When he asked his father what the “#” and “*” buttons were his dad said, “Some day, far in the future, we’ll have some use for them.”) Technology seemed to be in Dan’s blood but at some point he took a different path and ended up in the clergy. His passion for technology and gadgets never left him. Dan is married to Raina Goldberg who is also an avid user of Apple products. They live in New Jersey with their golden doodle Nava.